2014 is coming to a close. That means it is time to create random lists ranking different things. Why? Because this is the internet. Are these scientifically determined, peer-reviewed lists? Come on. This is the internet.
Top Three Funniest Male Pro Triathletes on Twitter:
1. Me. @dpalmertri
2. The Kiwi version of me with handsome hands, Callum. @callummillward
3. The red-headed version of me, Doug. @dmactri
Biggest Biking Beasts:
1. Sebastian Kienle, won the two most competitive Ironmans of the year with breathtaking bike breakaways in Frankfurt and Hawaii.
2. Maik Twelsiek, only guy who came close to keeping up with Sebastian at Kona.
3. Marino Vanhoenacker, blasted a 4:31 at Ironman Canada. Canada is not a fast course.
Least Lucky German:
1. Jan Frodeno, got flats at both Ironman Frankfurt and Kona. Because he’s a pretty good athlete he still got on the podium both times.
Most Lucky German:
1. Sebastian Kienle, Seb won the races where Jan got flats! Haha Jan! Kienle deserved a little luck since a flat ruined his chance to win Kona in 2012. Pete Jacobs was EXTREMELY lucky that year that Seb got a flat.
Holy Moly American Bro Breakout Race of the Year:
1. Ben Hoffman’s second place at Kona. Wow.
Outstanding Up and Coming Fresh Faces in Women’s Long Course Triathlon:
1. Ruth Brennan Morrey. This young gun won Kansas 70.3. Second in her Ironman debut at Chattanooga. What a year. Unrelated, happens to be from Minnesota which is a neat fact.
World’s Best Female Amateurs:
1. Heather Lendway. Won nationals. Won worlds. Won everything. Unrelated, a Minnesotan and Peace Coffee drinker.
2. Dani Fischer. Wins and podiums, left and right. Completely unrelated, from Minnesota and Peace Coffee drinker.
Minnesota’s Man of the Year:
Matt Payne. Matt was the only guy who was really el fuego this season.
Minnesota’s Woman of the Year:
Bad news. The world’s best amateur female and the best new female long course pro didn’t face off this year. So we’re stuck with deliberating. Ruth and Heather need to have an annual showdown. Winner takes all. I will promote the fight. I mean race.
Best Friends of 2014:
1. Steven Stenzel: enough said. What a guy. Truly my Best Friend Forever For Now.
2. Jeremy Reichenberger: second only to Steven, but it is a close second.
3. Devon Palmer: perhaps luckiest man alive to have #1 and #2 as his best friends.
(If you’ll remember the three of us did a best friends relay at the Waconia Triathlon this summer where we won, because that’s what friends do)
Fastest & Most Practical Triathlon Bikes of 2014:
1. Quintana Roo PRsix. Fast. Good looking. Practical, easy to get fit, easy to adjust, simple front end!
No other contestants in this category. Most companies make ridiculous superbikes that are completely impractical and normal triathletes cannot work on them or adjust them or build them. The PRsix is the best.
Podcasts I Actually Listen to (unranked category)
The Champs with Neal Brennan and Moshe Kasher
You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Alias Smith and LeRoi
Seth Godin’s Startup School
Money For the Rest of Us
Just Killing Time with Maronzio Vance
The Dead Authors Podcast
Comedy Bang Bang
Industry Standard with Barry Katz
Best Coffee Sponsors in Triathlon:
1. Peace Coffee: Tasty, fair trade, organic, Peace Coffee was everywhere this season. What a treat for all of us!
States I Hate The Most With the Most Ironman Champions:
1. IOWA: you may be familiar with the filthy, barren wasteland South of Minnesota. This desolate stretch of nothing is called Iowa. Despite lacking any positive attributes, this state is home to THREE Ironman Champions! WHAT?! First TJ Tollakson dominated IM Mont Tremblant in August. Then Daniel Bretscher won an intense battle at IM Wisconsin. Then Matt Hanson goes and wins IM Chattanooga. I can’t even! Come on. Maybe they are so successful because they’re willing to do anything for a shot at making it out. Whatever.
Best Post Ironman Pose of 2014:
Josh Ruhnke after Ironman Wisconsin. An obvious choice.
Most Successful Twitter Campaign in Triathlon:
The floodgates really opened for the #PRSIX4DP campaign this year. The people DEMANDED I get a PRsix and QR had no choice but to abide. Hats off to everyone involved!
Double Downer of the Year:
One of my athletes was set to race IM Lake Tahoe. Then there was a wildfire and it got cancelled. So she went to Ironman Florida last minute. Then there were some waves and the swim got cancelled. Double Downer! Thankfully she is a champ and recovered with a drink or two at Pineapple Willy’s and is doing a couple more Ironmans next year.
New Friend I Like the Most and Treat the Worst:
Doug MacLean. We follow each other on twitter and are facebook friends and everything and we even met in person one time. Doug is actually funny so we get along real good. Publicly I am abusive at all times because he has red hair and needs to be discriminated against on that basis. Gingerscrimination is justified. Doug is alright in my book.
Best Netflix Streaming Trainer Movies:
1. The Man From Nowhere. The best of the best. So violent.
2. Safe. Jason Statham putting the hurt on bad guys. So good.
3. Shooter. Mark Walberg using guns to solve problems.
I have watched all of these more than once. Safe may no longer be streaming. 30 for 30s are an honorable mention, most of those are good for trainer rides.
Greatest Ironman Expo Photo of 2014:
It was a mixed year for me. Some fun new experiences and some lousy discouraging stuff. I’m making some changes for 2015 and will write about that before long. Happy New Year!